At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
