sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
