He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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