I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
