Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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