is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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