i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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