So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize