I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
