I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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