I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
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You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
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Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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