Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
