I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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