I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
