I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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