the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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