The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
