Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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