You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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