$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
