his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
