I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
