I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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