im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i love accidental penises.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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