I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
