Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Damn victory sex feels great
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