This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
