Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
