hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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