i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
