if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
