how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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