I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Randomize
