You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
