I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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