I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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