as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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