It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
