I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
