Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
