im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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