Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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