woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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