But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
farters have to be the big spoon...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
