He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
