I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
