I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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