There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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