Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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