lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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