My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
