So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
