420 ftw
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
