Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
