Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
