You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
