Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
