he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
