Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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