I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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