Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
