mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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