We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
