you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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