Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
