Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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