dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
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I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
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Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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