My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
