when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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