how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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