some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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