There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
