I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
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You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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