I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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