I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize