How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
