We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
