I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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