i just had sex bonerless
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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